{"id":23811,"date":"2024-05-14T19:49:51","date_gmt":"2024-05-14T17:49:51","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/?p=23811"},"modified":"2024-05-22T00:41:23","modified_gmt":"2024-05-21T22:41:23","slug":"healing-church-hurts-cognitive-bias","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/healing-church-hurts-cognitive-bias\/","title":{"rendered":"Healing Church Hurts:\u00a0How Acknowledging Cognitive Bias Helps Our Hearts"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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“The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.”<\/p>\nProverbs 18:17<\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

If you have been a disciple of Jesus for any length of time, chances are that you have been hurt by a brother or sister in Christ. Maybe that person was a peer. Maybe a leader or someone you\u2019ve led. It might have happened decades ago during your campus ministry days, or the hurt may have been inflicted last week. As I explained in my first article in this series<\/a>, Satan invariably attempts to capitalize on these wounds to sell us a lie. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

And you may not know it, but there\u2019s a good chance that at some point on the journey, you\u2019ve hurt people too. Given that we are all sinners living in a fallen world, is that any surprise? Just as with our physical bodies, our hearts accrue damage over time. This mostly takes the form of many little nicks and scratches, likely some major sprains and bruises, and maybe even a life-threatening injury. My counseling practice is filled with people suffering from all kinds of these church-related heart wounds, and this is the topic of my recent book, Spiritual Trauma: A Guide for Healing Your Heart from Church Hurts<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet what makes these emotional and mental wounds even worse is a commonly experienced cognitive bias called \u201cfundamental attribution error.\u201d Okay, now stay with me! I know that this term is a mouthful, but the concept is not hard to understand. What\u2019s more, understanding this trait of human nature will give you a powerful tool to help you to recover from the spiritual hurts and even mistreatment you\u2019ve suffered. Fundamental attribution error is simply our human tendency to attribute others\u2019 failings to some flaw in their character, while attributing our own failings to external events outside of our control. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Let\u2019s say that you have agreed to meet a friend for coffee and they are running late. As you sit there tapping your fingers on the table, chin in hand, you might be tempted to attribute their lateness to carelessness or a lack of discipline on their part, especially if this isn\u2019t the first time they\u2019ve kept you waiting. Or even worse, maybe they just didn\u2019t seem to care that much about you. Maybe they think it\u2019s a chore to meet with you and they find you boring. We can invent all kinds of explanatory narratives, can\u2019t we?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

But let\u2019s flip the script. What if you<\/em> were the one running late for coffee? I am sure you would have a solid reason that makes sense to you. The bus was late. Your kid forgot their lunch at home and you had to drive it to school for them, which put you behind. External forces, not poor character, explain your<\/em> lateness. Do you see the difference? When we understand this cognitive bias, it makes it so much easier to show grace to our late friend. After all, we would hope that our friend would give us the benefit of the doubt if the situation was reversed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can (and must) apply the idea of fundamental attribution error to church hurts too. It has been said, \u201cDo not attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence.\u201d A bit harsh, I know. Let\u2019s tweak this statement just a little to say, \u201cDo not attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by ignorance, misunderstanding, tiredness, or triggers.\u201d The truth is that the vast majority of harms, even the ones that happen within church contexts, are delivered with relative innocence. Now, that doesn\u2019t mean they aren\u2019t painful. If I accidentally trip you and you break your arm on the sidewalk, it hurts every bit as bad as if I had pushed you deliberately. In the same way, please don\u2019t hear me say that your emotional pain isn\u2019t real. Frankly, you might be on the floor right now with a metaphorical broken arm. We aren\u2019t arguing about the painfulness of our wounds, just the intentions of the ones who inflict them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This principle makes sense when it comes to physical wounds. But the good news is that when trying to heal our hearts from emotional wounds, getting clarity about our harmer\u2019s intent will help us to heal more quickly and more fully. Here are some questions to ponder on your own or even to ask the person who hurt you:<\/p>\n\n\n\n