{"id":3786,"date":"2020-06-11T17:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-06-11T17:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/2020\/06\/11\/the-lost-art-of-listening\/"},"modified":"2023-06-02T07:06:37","modified_gmt":"2023-06-02T05:06:37","slug":"the-lost-art-of-listening","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/the-lost-art-of-listening\/","title":{"rendered":"The Lost Art of Listening"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><\/p><center><img data-recalc-dims=\"1\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"600\" height=\"377\" src=\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/The-Lost-Art-of-Listening-Sam-Laing-960w-sml.png?resize=600%2C377&#038;ssl=1\" class=\"attachment-full size-full\" alt=\"\" loading=\"lazy\" srcset=\"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/The-Lost-Art-of-Listening-Sam-Laing-960w-sml.png 600w, https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/The-Lost-Art-of-Listening-Sam-Laing-960w-sml-300x189.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px\">\n<\/center><p><\/p><p> This is the second in our four-part series on fatherhood. The verses below may be some of the most important teachings that we as fathers will ever receive. Kids often do and say things that we need to address and correct, but in order to most effectively help them, we need to listen to them fully and carefully before we respond. We need to be sure that we draw them out and understand them deeply before giving them our advice and opinions. <\/p>\n<p> These two verses teach us how vital that deep listening is: <\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> He who answers before listening\u2014that is his folly and his shame. <\/span> \u2013 Proverbs 18:13\n<\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man\u2019s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. <\/span> \u2013 James 1:19-20\n<\/p>\n<p> When we quickly respond, we may feel we have said the right thing in just the right way, but unless we take the time to grasp all the facts and fully understand what is on our child\u2019s mind and heart, we may totally misfire! Let\u2019s learn the art of asking children questions and drawing them out before we give them our advice, corrections, or thoughts. <\/p>\n<p> Solomon provides some great wisdom that applies not only as we seek to help fellow adults, but also as fathers seeking to help our kids: <\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> The purposes of a man\u2019s heart are deep waters, but a man of understanding draws them out. <\/span> \u2013 Proverbs 20:5\n<\/p>\n<p> Try asking some of the following kinds of questions before you start giving them advice: <\/p>\n<ul>\n  <li> \u201cAnd then what happened?\u201d <\/li>\n  <li> \u201cWhat do you think about it?\u201d <\/li>\n  <li> \u201cHow do you feel about it?\u201d <\/li>\n  <li> \u201cPlease help me to understand more about this.\u201d <\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p> Fathers, let\u2019s seek to <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> get all the facts and hear all their feelings <\/span> before we render judgment and start giving advice. Some kids are less likely to talk and open up than others. As we learned in Proverbs 20:5, we need to seek to \u201cdraw them out.\u201d <\/p>\n<p> Even if it turns out our kid is egregiously wrong, asking questions will give us a sense of the whole picture so we can help them better. And when children feel confident that we know everything that happened and understand how they feel, they are far more likely to embrace our guidance. On the other hand, if they feel like we just reacted quickly or angrily, they will likely have a much harder time accepting our advice. <\/p>\n<p> Paul reminds us not to react in anger and frustration: <\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. <\/span> \u2013 Ephesians 4:29\n<\/p>\n<p> So, fellow fathers, let\u2019s seek to patiently listen, ask questions, and gain full knowledge before we react and give counsel to our kids. As we do so, we will give them wiser and more spiritually grounded guidance. And, because of this, our kids will be far more likely to hear and embrace it, because they will have felt our kind and loving patience for them! <\/p>\n<p> Please know that l learned to do this by the kind and gracious guidance of my loving Father in Heaven. And, as we will see below, my daughter and my son are going to share how this helped them, and how they are now seeking to do the same as they raise their own kids. <\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> Elizabeth\u2019s response: <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<p> When I was in middle school, I once got really angry because my team\u2019s basketball game got cancelled. The cancellation meant my team was disqualified from the championship game. It was totally unfair, and I was furious! I felt ignored, cheated, and mistreated by the Evil Adult Basketball Powers That Be. <\/p>\n<p> My anger was out of control\u2014I just couldn\u2019t calm myself down. It must have been tempting to get frustrated with me and rebuke me for having a bad temper, but that\u2019s not what Dad did. He came into my room, sat on the bed across from me, and patiently drew me out, asking all kinds of questions about what happened and how I was feeling. The more questions he asked and the more sympathetically he listened, the more my temper cooled. <span style=\"font-style: italic\">Just feeling heard by an adult<\/span> did so much to alleviate my frustration. <\/p>\n<p> But Dad took it a step further: he went on to tell me he understood how I felt! He knew what it felt like to feel treated unfairly, and he understood that it was frustrating for a competitive person to \u201close\u201d a game she\u2019d never gotten to play! He validated my feelings, and as he did so, I was able to let go of my anger, forgive, and stop stomping around the house like an angry bull bent on destruction. <\/p>\n<p> Now as I parent my own children, I keep in mind Dad\u2019s example of asking questions, listening closely, getting the whole story, and validating my kids\u2019 feelings before I start offering them advice. Dad\u2019s example has helped me to be a much wiser and more effective mom! <\/p>\n<p>\n  <span style=\"font-style: italic\"> David\u2019s response: <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<p>\n  <span> This teaching cuts me to my heart. I\u2019m ashamed to confess that I fail too often in this area with my three children. It\u2019s so much more convenient to quickly fire off a response instead of patiently listening before instructing. Sometimes I simply feel I don\u2019t have the time to hear my kids out. At other times their issues seem too trivial to devote my precious brain cells to. And many times I simply assume that I already grasp the situation. I\u2019m very grateful for the times growing up when my dad listened to my issues, thoughts and feelings rather than shutting me down. As I grew older that allowed him to help me untangle and sort out my jumbled teenage thoughts. I\u2019m sure my problems often seemed petty to him, but he seldom made me feel that way. I remember on many occasions being so encouraged when he would relate to me by sharing times he felt or did something similar as a young person. It helped me to feel that he at least somewhat understood and it kept the lines of communication open. Thank God that he is the same way: always listening to our prayers. Everyday without fail. <\/span>\n<\/p>\n<p> This is the first in a series on fatherhood from Sam Laing. See <a href=\"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/the-fundamental-foundation-of-good-fatherhood\/\">Part 1<\/a> and <a href=\"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/clone\/fathers-and-sons\/\">Part 3<\/a>\n<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This is the second in our four part series on fatherhood. The verses below may be some of the most&hellip;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":3787,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"ghostkit_customizer_options":"","ghostkit_custom_css":"","ghostkit_custom_js_head":"","ghostkit_custom_js_foot":"","ghostkit_typography":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[11],"tags":[],"post_folder":[151],"class_list":["post-3786","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-families"],"featured_image_src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/The-Lost-Art-of-Listening-Sam-Laing-960w-sml.png?fit=600%2C377&ssl=1","author_info":{"display_name":"dtadmin","author_link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/author\/dtadmin\/"},"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/phsvEw-Z4","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":3783,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/the-fundamental-foundation-of-good-fatherhood\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":0},"title":"The Fundamental Foundation of Good Fatherhood","author":"dtadmin","date":"June 12, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"During the month of June, in connection to Father\u2019s Day, I am thankful and eager to be able to share with you the things that God, by his love, grace and mercy taught me as I raised my four children. In some of the lessons, my now mature, adult children\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Families&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Families","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/families\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/warrior.png?fit=706%2C271&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/warrior.png?fit=706%2C271&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/warrior.png?fit=706%2C271&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/warrior.png?fit=706%2C271&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3780,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/fathers-and-sons\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":1},"title":"Fathers and Sons","author":"dtadmin","date":"June 18, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Heart. That\u2019s what we\u2019re after as fathers. As they mature, we want our boys to give us their hearts so we can help mold them for God. More than obedience, submission or even respect, we want their hearts. Don\u2019t get me wrong: a respectful attitude is essential in the father-son\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Families&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Families","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/families\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Fathers-and-Sons-960w.png?fit=835%2C562&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Fathers-and-Sons-960w.png?fit=835%2C562&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Fathers-and-Sons-960w.png?fit=835%2C562&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/Fathers-and-Sons-960w.png?fit=835%2C562&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":2430,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/depression-and-the-god-of-hope-part-3\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":2},"title":"Depression and the God of Hope \u2013 Part 3","author":"dtadmin","date":"April 16, 2021","format":false,"excerpt":"This article discusses how to connect with each other when struggling with depression.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;News&quot;","block_context":{"text":"News","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/love.jpg?fit=800%2C534&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/love.jpg?fit=800%2C534&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/love.jpg?fit=800%2C534&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/love.jpg?fit=800%2C534&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":30196,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/the-living-word-collective-keeping-gods-word-close-through-music\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":3},"title":"The Living Word Collective: Keeping God\u2019s Word Close through Music","author":"Lai-Yan Faller","date":"April 22, 2026","format":false,"excerpt":"The goal of The Living Word Collective is not primarily the music itself, but the Word, to help people listen, return to it, and eventually know it by heart.","rel":"","context":"In &quot;News&quot;","block_context":{"text":"News","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/news\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_6185.jpeg?fit=1200%2C673&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_6185.jpeg?fit=1200%2C673&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_6185.jpeg?fit=1200%2C673&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_6185.jpeg?fit=1200%2C673&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/04\/IMG_6185.jpeg?fit=1200%2C673&ssl=1&resize=1050%2C600 3x"},"classes":[]},{"id":3763,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/focusing-on-our-family-above-our-work\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":4},"title":"Focusing On Our Family Above Our Work","author":"dtadmin","date":"August 21, 2020","format":false,"excerpt":"Fellow fathers, I want to share with you one of the most profound teachings God ever gave me. Although I had work and other responsibilities outside of my family, I did not need to let them burden and distract me so much that I failed to warmly connect with my\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Families&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Families","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/families\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Focusing-On-Our-Family-Above-Our-Work.png?fit=857%2C547&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Focusing-On-Our-Family-Above-Our-Work.png?fit=857%2C547&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Focusing-On-Our-Family-Above-Our-Work.png?fit=857%2C547&ssl=1&resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Focusing-On-Our-Family-Above-Our-Work.png?fit=857%2C547&ssl=1&resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":5285,"url":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/impress-them-on-your-children\/","url_meta":{"origin":3786,"position":5},"title":"Impress Them on Your Children","author":"dtadmin","date":"July 8, 2018","format":false,"excerpt":"We are told in Deuteronomy 6:7 that we should impress the scriptures on our children. We should talk about them when we sit at home and when we are on the road. A special digital booklet is now available for purchase that will help children memorize God's word. This resource\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;Families&quot;","block_context":{"text":"Families","link":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/category\/families\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/07\/snail_icoc_hot_resources.png?fit=500%2C363&ssl=1&resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/06\/The-Lost-Art-of-Listening-Sam-Laing-960w-sml.png?fit=600%2C377&ssl=1","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3786","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3786"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3786\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3787"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3786"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3786"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3786"},{"taxonomy":"post_folder","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/disciplestoday.org\/clone\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/post_folder?post=3786"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}