A young married woman recently made a passing comment that’s been floating around my mind a lot. I’m finding that happens often during this new stage of parenting. Someone will make an innocent comment and it leads me on a trail to figure out the best way to handle a problem I didn’t even know I had.
“We’re trying to figure out life together now, but still want to please our parents, too.”
Hmmm.
I have two married kids now. What does that comment look like in our relationship? Do they feel a similar pull? Do they feel like they are doing a juggling act between building a life together but trying to make sure Tom and I are pleased with them?
I know I could talk to them about this. I probably will. In the meantime, I think there is a reason this off hand comment won’t leave me alone.
I’ve had to admit to myself that not only am I a super planner but a controlling momma at my core. What is a super planner? Well, I started planning for Christmas this year before Christmas had taken place last year.
I had in mind a picture of what Thanksgiving would look like this year and what Christmas could possibly be and in the name of being gut level honest with you, I have a goal for Christmas of 2018 already in mind as well. And that’s only one example of how my mind works. I often find myself scheming and dreaming of new ways to build memories now that they are “grown and flown” as some put it.
That probably explains why an innocent comment made in passing hit my heart and won’t leave me alone.
At every turn in this path of being a parent of adult children, God is helping me look long and hard at my character. My super planning was a strength when my kids were younger and we were trying to coordinate between our nuclear family of four, my extended family and Tom’s extended family. I think God is tapping me on the shoulder now to nudge me to morph again on my journey through motherhood.
It’s their turn to become the super planners. It’s their turn to talk to each other and figure plans out. It’s their turn to take the lead and it’s my turn to embrace a supporting role.
