“One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” – Proverbs 18:24

“Let’s have a reunion in Africa!” I got a message in my WhatsApp group dedicated to people I attended school with in Mozambique ages ago. The joy was palpable as we planned our gathering in Maputo for June 2025. Our emotional connection remains despite not having seen many of these friends for 40 years. So much so that we are prepared to spend the money and plan a year ahead to travel thousands of miles to share some meals, hang out, and tell fun and sometimes embarrassing stories of our shared childhood. 

Studies show that when we are about to draw our last breath, the only things that will matter to us are not achievements, possessions, status, or even contributions to the human race; we will only care about the people we loved and who loved us back. 

Other studies also show that it doesn’t matter if you are an introvert, extrovert, shy, or outgoing—you simply cannot thrive without deep friendships. A life with close friends can be happy when things are not going well, but a life without meaningful friendships can be miserable even when things are going well in other areas.

There are a few spots available to join my free webinar on the “Anatomy of Friendships,” where I unpack practical ways to build deeper friendships and better lives. Click here to claim your spot.

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In the long run, the quality of our friends deeply affects our lives. In other words, show me who your friends are, and I will show you your future. As disciples, we are ahead of the game compared to most people because most of us understand the practice of discipleship and call each other higher regularly. We love to quote this scripture from Proverbs because we’ve seen it work in our lives:

“Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” – Proverbs 27:17

I’ve led churches for 28 years now and, as a coach, devote a whole week in my coaching program to developing life-giving friendships. Typically, even with disciples, there are massive opportunities for growth for two reasons: 

  1. In real life, the practice of iron sharpening iron as a lifestyle seems to have weakened because of the unhealthy ways it was done in the past. The pendulum swing goes in the opposite direction without considering that this is a valuable Biblical principle. 
  2. Even if it is practiced, it is typically practiced narrowly in “spiritual matters.” Deep friendships can and should affect all areas of our lives – work, marriage, financial success, and fulfillment. 

When we forget how to build friendships, we miss out on a fuller, happier, and more impactful life, both personally and professionally.

The most prevalent obstacles to developing life-giving friendships are:

Introversion or shyness: You may not become a social butterfly, but developing deep friendships is not optional if you want to thrive.

Past hurts: I can’t tell you how often I hear “I was hurt in the past “ as the rationalization for the lack of discipleship in the church. While the fear of getting hurt by people is perfectly understandable, it is also self-defeating. It’s like saying I’m not coming near a stove to cook my food because I got burned some time ago.

I have tons of church friends and not enough time for other friends: the church community is and should be a core part of life, but it was never meant to be our entire life. We end up with many church friends and not enough whole-life friends. Jesus enjoyed deep friendships with “unchurched friends” typically shunned by religious people. While we often reach out to our “unchurched” friends, we rarely form deep friendships with them.

Hyperfocus on beliefs: A natural outcome of having the most meaningful friendships in the church is a sort of group think bubble that keeps us safe from the world and also from learning from people who may enrich our worldview without damaging our faith. 

Broader apprenticeship: The concept of discipleship is incredibly valuable because it teaches us to be apprentices to Jesus. We often forget that apprenticeship is the best way to learn anything and don’t apply the practice we already know to other areas of life.

Friendships without in-person contact: technology can only do so much to deepen friendships. Invest time, emotional energy, and money into in-person connections with friends. You can maintain old friendships this way and love catching up with friends like I am with my buddies at our class reunion. But nothing beats real-time, in-person, life-on-life, heart-on-heart friendships.

Here’s the truth: meaningful friendships can only come about with a great deal of intentionality and skill. Even secular studies show that deep friendships are essential for your happiness, health, wealth, and longevity. Yes, we actually live longer if you develop deep and happy friendships.

I’ve invested over a decade into nurturing my current immediate circle of friends. They are my treasure and the source of joy, love, wisdom, and guidance. They have consoled me when I am sad, encouraged me to reach for the stars, and kept me from making mistakes I would have made if it weren’t for them.

“Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.” – John 15:13

There are a few spot available to join my free webinar on the “Anatomy of Friendships,” where I unpack practical ways to build deeper friendships and better lives. Click here to claim your spot.

Christian Ray Flores is an evangelist, entrepreneur, and coach. Join 20,000 others by subscribing to our weekly newsletter here. Interested in Christian’s coaching for purpose-driven professionals? Request a free strategy call with Christian and mention Disciples Today. Learn more here.